I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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