can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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