You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
