I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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