Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The air taste purple.
Randomize