So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's official drugs can't kill me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
