Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
