please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
