I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
