before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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