my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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