I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
