Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
