happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
