roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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