Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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