yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Acid is not a monday night drug
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Floor bacon is actually really good
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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