you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I just sharted jello shots
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
