the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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