you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
