His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
