She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
