idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize