the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
