I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
