so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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