i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
