sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
