I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
