I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
