Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
