There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
