After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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