i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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