im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
