There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
