If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize