is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
