I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need to align my fucking chakras
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
