he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
