I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
