Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
