i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She needs sedatives and a leash
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
