So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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