I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
