remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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