She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
