Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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