no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
