operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
