id be glad to
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
