Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Terrible idea I love it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize