Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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