I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
