Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
