Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
