I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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