8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
