He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
