I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
