oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize